you are not enough

(1) I did not finish my stash last night, which means that I smoked weed today. This is a bizarre revelation: Only when I do not have marijuana do I leave the house in pursuit of pleasure.

(2) I don't know how to tell people that I'm not smoking marijuana anymore. I mean, I live with potheads. I live with potheads who expect me to have marijuana to smoke. If I don't have marijuana to smoke, I'm expected to be purchasing some marijuana. Honestly, my life has turned into a get-high-a-thon, where everything is cool as long as there's marijuana to smoke.

My life situation causes my friend base to be very small. Like, microsmall. I could have friends--I believe I'm a likeable person--but I am usually too high to be around people. How sad is that? "Too high to be around people."

Those people I am friends with, I am very close with. Still, I can't help but feel that most of these friendships are predicated on my own marijuana use. I often ask myself if I would still hang out with these people if I didn't smoke marijuana. Truthfully, I have no idea who I'd hang out with if I didn't smoke marijuana.

I feel like this might be because I don't know who I'd be without marijuana.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]