the first instance of hypocrisy

Here's what I know, and I'll try to keep it brief. I understand that, as The First Post, this should probably be deep and insightful. If nothing else, let's hope that this isn't The Only Post. I have blogged casually in the past; because I want to be a writer, I will blog professionally in the future.
This is my transitional blog. This is personal, excruciatingly personal, and I think it's fair to say that this blog will define my life.

If you haven't already guessed, this blog will discuss my battle with marijuana addiction. I am told that marijuana is not physically addictive. I intend to research that further; for now, I will concede that my addiction to marijuana may be a result of some greater mental weakness within me. My condition may perhaps be better described as My Love Affair With Marijuana.

I hit my first bowl at the age of fourteen, in October 2003. I smoked on occasion from that point until October 2005, when I bought my first pipe and began smoking with regularity. Smoking became a daily occurrence in March 2007, and the past two and a half years have been a prolonged haze.

This is not my first attempt to quit smoking marijuana. My first attempt came after I received a DUI, in October 2007. That didn't last. My second attempt, in June 2008, is what I consider to be my most serious attempt. I went clean for a drug test. Shortly after peeing clean, I dirtied my urine once more and never looked back. I have tried to quit at various times since then. I've failed every time.

This is the first time I have started a blog about quitting. I'm not convinced that it'll help; honestly, I am high as I'm writing this. I intend to smoke the rest of my stash tonight and quit tomorrow

What I'm hoping to obtain from this blog is a sense of accountability. Before I smoked heavily, I was smart, in-shape and always well-prepared. At this point in my life, I am not. I believe marijuana plays a sognificant part of this. I would like to again concede that the marijuana may be just a symptom of a larger mental problem; if so, I intend to use this blog to find out.

I am a writer, first and foremost. I have used words to tackle my problems since the third grade, and I intend to use this blog to fix the greatest problem I have faced in my life.

"I'm young. I make mistakes. I know that. I try to learn from them and not repeat them. I have a lot to learn, and I'm going to get things wrong. I'm going to let my emotions get the best of me sometimes. I'm going to try to do more than I should. But I'm a good dude. I know when to say, 'My bad, I'm sorry.' I've got work to do, but I'm a good dude. And I love this game. I love playing this game." - Matt Kemp

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]